I was thinking about weddings this morning. Partially because I'm helping out with Lina's wedding, and also because Wayne and I have 4-5 weddings to go to, spanning from April to June this year. Because these weddings are sometimes out-of-town affairs, Wayne and I aren't around to attend CG, much less attend the marriage SS class that we've been regularly attending. Everytime I see G&L, I KNOW I'm going to get hounded. I know they mean well, but man! We were out of town for a wedding for goodness' sake! Or maybe visiting my in-laws that weekend! It's NOT A BIG DEAL. Is our lack of perfect attendence an indication of our lack of "holiness" or "spirituality"?! Sometimes I wonder if people care more about their programs than the actual individuals who are attending. Or maybe they DO care about the welfare of the individuals, but think that just because their attendence is spotty it means that they have "fallen away". Or maybe they take the lack of attendence personally and get discouraged by the whole attendence issue, so when they see us, they try to guilt us into solving their own problem with their discouragement. I have no idea. But I DO know that the response I get from this SS class is the same reaction I got out of that women's boundaries class. I literally tried to avoid certain people because they would POUNCE on me for not being there more regularly (and making me feel like I have to have a legitimate excuse and prove that my absense was justifiable, at best).
Wayne was slightly amused that I got all worked up about such a petty thing as this; and after talking it out, I finally came to the conclusion that I'm probably most irked by this behavior because 1) it feels like people's priorities are with the program first, and the welfare of their attendents as second, and 2) with them "on my case" everytime they see me, it gives me an unnecessary added pressure of always being there to please them despite my own circumstances (and if I can't make it, guilt and shame ensues). I don't really care too much about option #1 (other than I hope I'M not doing that myself with others), but the second one touches a bit too close to home (boundary issues again... *SIGH*) Will it never go away?
Ahh... petty things. So the unpeeling begins...
Posted by Ruth at 5/01/2003
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