Ruth's Ramblings

CGBC Spiritual Summit

Went to the spiritual summit at church yesterday morning. It's a bit like a silent retreat - except it's only for a couple hours. I knew I really needed it - a time to really center myself and be in prayer. One thing I didn't anticipate, however, was how much I struggled with myself the entire time. As I sat there, it was really difficult to open my heart up to God - it felt like a ton of lead - very frustrating! Why was I so hardened? I sat in the Mercy room for what seemed like the longest time, struggling with myself and struggling with God. Each room I entered (and I went through all of them), I had to go through the whole process of struggling with myself and God. I sensed that God was being silent because He wanted me to struggle a bit on my own - a process that I seem to have to go through each time I approach His throne. But once the struggle is over and I've confessed what I needed, relief ensues and I am free to be broken and finally fellowship with God.

Posted by Ruth at 4/10/2005