Had CAT girls over last night for accountability night... cooked up a storm and cleaned up the place (still haven't really figured out how to vacuum the stairs). Had a good time of sharing, and got a chance to kind of see where some of the girls were at in their lives, and the types of struggles they are going through. I related really well (sometimes TOO well) with some of those struggles because I've been in those situations/relationships in my personal past... but I'm fighting to keep my mouth shut at certain times and not immediately want to tell people what I think they should or shouldn't do.... but try to be available and approachable should any of them need advice, prayer, encouragement, or support... Just because I've had personal experience with some of those things doesn't mean that everyone will jump at the "pearls of wisdom" that I have (or don't have)... and if I do feel compelled to give my input, perhaps giving them at the times they are ready to receive it.... Also felt a little lonely after the meeting too... not sure why. I had the same heavy heart this morning too... feeling like I can't really connect with anyone around me and not really having anyone to understand me where I'm at. Perhaps this is what Judy felt when she was the first to get married in Stepping Stones. There are just some things I'm struggling with.. and I don't even know exactly what it is or how to approach it. Also, I'm feeling a shift in my role at this current small fellowship... I've always been the little sister, always had older brothers and sisters to look up to, take care of me, and all that... but now I think this is shifting, and there is no one above me to look to for guidance and experience... and that's scary, since it almost feels like there's no one to understand me or support me at this level. Am I making sense? I don't even know if this is just gibberish or if others can relate...
Missing my parents a bit today too. It would be nice to have family and a group of people within reach to feel "at home" with and seek advice and support. Sometimes I wonder what my parents are doing right now.. do they often think of me? Do they miss me? Or are they glad that I'm gone and they don't have to deal with me? I wonder what they tell the neighbors and friends when others ask about me and my whereabouts..?
Posted by Ruth at 7/09/2002
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