Nearly had a panic attack last night at church. Okay, so maybe it wasn't totally a panic attack, but I was starting have problems breathing, my heart was pounding so hard it hurt my chest, I started having a slight stomachache, and my hands were shaky the entire evening. What is wrong with me. GRRR. Having these psychosomatic symptoms over something like this... is that normal? Wayne says I have way too many stomachaches, but at the same time, I always feel like I have to prepare for battle everytime I'm in that room. I'm definately not a lion (but working on it) so confrontations take alot of energy and stress out of me. But that doesn't stop me. I went to bed at 3 am last night -- after debriefing with Wayne, Gene, and chatting abit with Cindy online. Thanks guys. I miss being able to be with friends where I can just let everything hang out and be transparent -- rather than not have to worry about selective sharing. Takes alot of energy for me to selectively share too. I tend to wear my emotions and my state of being all over my face. Which can serve good and bad purposes (can't hide anything, darn it)...
Michelle Tung from the good old Lynbrook days (I'm being sarcastic about the "good old" part, if you can't tell) emailed me. I didn't recognize her email for a moment because she goes by her new married name, Michelle Kwok. I think she's been married a year or so by now. In anycase, that was really trippy. We have never been terribly close in high school (I think I was mad at her for having a boyfriend -- who was Terrence, by the way -- and ditching me and all her friends). Pretty stupid and very petty stuff. When I look back at high school -- man was I so naiive. But that's okay. We all have to start somewhere. Anyways, Michelle moved back from NY (she was finishing med school) and is back in the bay area doing her psych residency. It would be cool to hook up with her and catch up after all these years.
Posted by Ruth at 10/29/2002
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