Ruth's Ramblings

The Desert Experience (again)

Funny how circular faith can be. Feels like I was in this exact spot five years ago. Like the Israelites, I'm running around in circles in the desert. Where am I going? What is my purpose? Where is THE END of this???? A bit self-involved, disillusioned, desperate. At this point, it is all about me. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes I act like I don't care (but I really do), sometimes I lie to cover up. Often, I question my faith based on my disappointing and frustrating circumstances.

With the anger and frustration comes complete brokenness and humility, forcing me to turn to only One Direction. The constant questions seared in my heart actually begin to tire me, and I will use almost anything constructive to keep me from dwelling on the unanswered questions and the pain of Divine Silence. The prospect of obedience is almost a relief. Faith, on the other hand, is much harder to grasp.

What to do? Where to begin? With brokenness in tow and shreds of hope, I timidly approach the throne of grace...

Posted by Ruth at 2/08/2005