If I've been crying the night before, the morning after my eyes get puffy and my double eyelids can't fold in all the way... which actually looks quite nice because then I can actually see my eye makeup (rather it be folded up completely all the time). This morning I could actually see my eyeliner. Yay. =P
Yesterday our neighbors invited us over for some eggnog... we really wanted to go, but had to decline because we had plans to go to Enoch's birthday dinner. After the dinner, Wayne and I had a talk before bed. (see paragraph above). Sometimes its so frustrating, being a doctor's wife. I try to be as flexible and understanding as I can, but sometimes I just reach a limit and I can't deny my feelings of frustrated, hurt, and loneliness. And I'm beginning to think that my love languages must be service and a bit of time. I know Wayne is trying his best, and intern year is supposed to be the hardest. And Wayne hasn't really been speaking my language, I'm usually trying my best to speak his. It's so hard sometimes, because if feels like I'm doing most of the work. I think I'm especially frustrated because its our first Christmas. And as much as everyone says that it'll be special no matter what, I still can't help feeling disappointed. Really disappointed and unhappy. Am I putting too much expectations on my husband? Is this the result of a changing community and lack of family? As much as I second guess myself, I can't deny my human feelings. And Wayne says, regardless, I need to let him meet me half way. And yet I feel so guilty for asking for anything. Aiya.
Sometimes some of my single friends try to give me advice in this area. Which steams me, because they are basically telling me to suck it up, he's a busy doctor and doesn't have time to consider your feelings (an opportunity to submit). GRRR. To which I'd like to reply: Who's in this marriage? Are YOU in it? No? WELL then! I'll leave it at that.
Posted by Ruth at 12/24/2002
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