So Wayne jokes around with me that no matter what my schedule is, I usually end up having some sort of "counseling" session with someone online or via phone nearly every day. Sometimes I'm glad for my availability (if people want to talk, I'm flexible with my time and usually available to lend an ear or a word of advice) but sometimes I'm frustrated at my lack of structure. Being a friend (or what Wayne calls me a "casual counselor") versus an actual licensed THERAPIST is something entirely different. 80% of the friends who come to talk to me aren't looking for answers - just an ear. And I'm fighting myself from keeping my mouth shut until they want to hear it (biting my tongue really hard usually works).
The reason why I'm blogging about my "casual counseling sessions" is because I was really stressed out about this one "session" (or "office hours", whatever you prefer). It was SO difficult to bite my tongue, and I was emotionally way too involved in the situation (hey, if it deals with family, I'm there). It was shocking because it was as if the situation came straight from my social work textbooks, or from a scenario with any of my former clients at my field internships - but from my very own family? Heaven forbid. So that was a wakeup call. And also a reminder that I need to keep my boundaries and keep my mouth shut at the right times (damn that lion!). My heart aches for my brother, but I'm learning to let go.
So ok, enough of my office hours. I don't usually blog about my office hours (confidentiality, right?) but the last one I had was so disturbing, and it touched to close to home. Anyways, so my weekend was a flurry of activity. I spent most of Friday with Jamie, and then all of Saturday with Priscilla. I took her shopping nearly all day and then rushed back home to prepare the food and wrap presents. Tracy and Jeannie came by and we all barely got there in time for the shower. In fact, I think we were a half hour late. By the time I got there, I realized just how tired I was. By the time it was 9pm, I was POOPED.
Mother's Day was okay. Wayne and I decided not to do anything for my family this year - probably for now it would be best to leave things alone, because everytime we do something well-intentioned (e.g. Christmas gift, etc.) they always seem to twist it around and interpret it in a completely different (but adverse) way. So we decided to leave it alone for awhile. I can feel my heart hardening over time, and that's something that I'm struggling with. Living here in Sac has helped a bit though - an "out of sight, out of mind" type of mentality - not sure its healthy, but it leaves room for some healthy separation and healing.
Posted by Ruth at 5/13/2003
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