Ruth's Ramblings

Cluttered heart

My dad always used to tell me that the state of your room resembled the state of your heart. When it's tidy and clean, my heart is organized and everything is in its proper place. And when its a complete mess, it shows that something chaotic is happening in me. And my room (on my side, at least) has been a complete and absolute MESS for nearly 6 months, and I finally decided to do a thorough cleaning as an active stand to take control of unbridled emotions inside of me. Feeling a bit better now, but still got a ways to go. There must be some law of physics (thermodynamics?!) about how things by default over time just get messier and messier. That's absolutely true of my house - and even so in my heart. If I'm not fully aware of what's around me to actively keep watch, things slip and my heart slowly is filled with cluttered things of this world and before I know it, it's too full and has no more room for spiritual things to take a hold. What can happen in one single year... I'm shocked at myself. The visions/burdens I had a year ago are absolutely gone. The lessons I passionately clung onto ever since I came back from China, a fading memory. The fear I had of "forgetting" everything and letting my world shrink - has absolutely come true - without me realizing it. This past week was a hard awakening - sobering, humbling, convicting. I'm thankful that my husband, who is also my ultimate accountability partner in life, is next to me pushing me along when I definately need pushing. (Especially when he's the only one that really can push me - when it comes down to it, I won't listen to anyone else but him.) It's scary just how important it is to be aware and keep watch, as Christ instructs us to, because the enemy is right there waiting to pounce and devour. I turn my back for one brief moment and nearly lose everything.

Posted by Ruth at 10/27/2003