Ruth's Ramblings

Forgiveness

This is a hard subject, as some people define it differently than others. As simple as this concept may be, I think its incredibly difficult to truly forgive from the heart - as it obviously (imo) does not involve any lapse of memory. Forgetting is not forgiving. Forgetting is just plain forgetting. True forgiveness entails remembering the offense and the hurt/anger that comes along with it very vividly, yet you choose to let go of it.

As I am re-reading John Bevere's The Bait of Satan, I am reminded of just how easily offended I can be, and how just as easily Satan can use my offense as an open door for his work. This past week, as I was reading it, for some reason circumstances lately have caused me to be VERY offended by several individuals. The offense in my heart was so great that some nights I found it hard to sleep. My mind would be racing and rehearsing (and nursing) the offense over and over again, and as I did that, I clung tighter and tighter to my offense. I expected and felt that the people that offended me OWED me a big debt (whether it be apologizing to me or needing to treat me a certain way).

I am realizing that when I hold an offense so close to my heart, its hard to see anything else. The offense clouds my judgment; my spirit is clouded and my judgment is affected. It's hard to think straight, and its hard to control my emotions because this BIG FAT offense is sitting right in my face BLOCKING EVERYTHING!! How do I let go of this?!?

John Bevere talks about how an offended Christian who holds offenses like this against others pretty much stunts any growth he can possibly have. As much as this Christian can experience the salvation and love of Christ, he has nothing to show for it, because it's blocked by this offense. The offense causes the Christian to hold back (in self-protection) and as he protects himself from future hurts, the walls that he builds around him in self-defense actually become his own prison. As Bevere says, "An offended Christian is one who takes in life but, because of fear, cannot release it."

I am also reminded that the offenses I experienced this past week were tiny compared to other offenses I have experienced in my life - why hold these so closely as I do? Also, in comparison, these offenses are NOTHING compared to the debt God has erased in my life through Christ's blood. "A person who cannot forgive has forgotten how great a debt God has forgiven them," says Bevere. With that, I fall on my knees in shame and repentance. What do I know of anything?! Why does my feeble heart hold onto such little things as these when God let go of an enormous debt of mine? I realize that my heart still needs alot of work as my unforgiveness is a sign of self-love and self-priority over others. As much as I think I may deserve from others, I really don't deserve anything at all. And thus, the letting go begins...

Posted by Ruth at 1/27/2004