Ruth's Ramblings

The new/old me

I always strugged with the idea of "losing my identity" through marriage (one of the main reasons why I feared marriage in college). Then later, as a married woman, I have a new perspective; instead of completely losing my old identity in this marriage, I realize that both myself and my new husband bring into it our separate individual identities and combined, God uses our strengths (and weaknesses) in our oneness. And this new "oneness" is not necessarily "losing" my old identity, it's adding onto to it while being flexible and changing alongside my husband, whose identity has also been "added on" and changing right alongside me.

I'm thinking of this because the wedding season has just started for us; last week was our first wedding of the year, Easter weekend will be a second, May will bring a third, June a fourth, and July a fifth. As I see my friends getting married, I think of my own time two years ago and where I was with things. The first 6 months were really muddled; it was difficult to find where I was within the relationship (even though W and I were together 3.5 years before marriage). It took a full year and a half to feel somewhat "settled" with my new wife role and being called "wife" (or as W teasingly calls me "wifey"). And now that two years is approaching, the dust has finally settled and things are clearer and I am REALLY seeing distinct individuals in this marriage. To my surprise, my individual identity is not only intact, but stronger than ever (sometimes too strong but that's another topic to delve into later). Marriage has surprised me in the way it doesn't take over who I am; rather, it enhances and enriches who I am in relation to this incredible relationship (and person) I've been placed in (with). I am still the same person I am outside of marriage, but so much more blessed / enhanced with W (truly God's gift) in my life.

Posted by Ruth at 3/28/2004