Ruth's Ramblings

Struggle

Struggling to learn to love others that aren't so lovable. That not only includes the annoying ones that I can't stand (certain characteristic quirks really turn me off, see March 3rd's post), but also individuals that I don't trust. Growing up, I've always been a bit on the naive side, and that could make me a sitting duck for ambush and manipulation (if I'm not watching it). An older (and hopefully wiser) me now has an eye for that, but how do you love someone you don't trust? I'm talking about people who intentionally sabotage others for their own personal gain, or at least have the capability of doing so without a second thought. (And yes, it has surprised me often, but I find these individuals even among my own brothers and sisters in Christ.)

I can be an extremely opinionated (and sometimes overly stubborn) and although I try to keep that under wraps, sometimes it comes out in the area of loving others around me (the 2nd greatest commandment). It's not enough for me to just wait for God to transform my heart in this area... I want to DO something about it rather than just keep complaining about it.... but then again, how can actually I love others with God's love (since my own is so flawed and human)? Perhaps the on-going prayer that God would continue to grow my passions and heart desires to match His own... and from there, I can regard others around me as He would...

Alot of it may have to do with protecting myself and protecting past hurts. And when you're talking about hurts, you're also going to have to delve into the area of forgiveness. When I think of these individuals, do their glaring offenses/character flaws jump out at me first, or do I initially see them as a completely whole person (with visible weaknesses AND strengths) created by God and for God? Do I really wish the best for these individuals (desite their motives/actions towards me, can I still hope for the best for them in life and in their own walks with God)? How can I separate my own selfish hurts to the persons God created them to be and the potential gifts/talents given to them as they learn to contribute to God's kingdom side-by-side with me? (I don't want to ignore the fact that there are some individuals out there that need to be lovingly kept at arm's length for self-protective reasons because of their potential to hurt others -we aren't walking doormats here and God DID create healthy boundaries and each of us a BRAIN- but rather than letting that affect how we feel about them, but instead seeing them the way God would see them). Definately some major "EGR", as Rick Warren would put it.

Argh... brings me back to what I know from the beginning (which pretty much answers all my questions and muddled thinking in this post)... more abiding and pruning here (John 15:1-17).

Posted by Ruth at 3/29/2004