Ruth's Ramblings

My confession

Abba,

Today's heart lesson was on faith. Specifically, just how little of it I actually have (I am such a worrier and I've come to rely 110% on my own strength!) When You do a work through me, I am amazed and overjoyed -- but the danger lies in where I give the glory to. Too much temptation for my heart to take the credit secretly, and with the beginnings of self-reliance, I trudge forward with other ministries (thinking that I'm the one that can re-create those same wonders!) Until I fall flat on my face, do I realize (and remember) that God was the one doing the work, not me. And without Him, what can I do? A big fat NOTHING.

I'm ashamed (beyond belief) to admit that my heart slowly took ownership of Your work, and I had the audacity to think I can re-create it again in my own strength! How much pride did I accidently swallow?! Almost enough to kill me, that's for sure... the first sign was my growing spiritual blindness... after that, my spiritual deterioration overall came pretty quickly.

I realize just how much of a worrier I really am. Without faith, I absolutely cannot obey God (its absense muddles my ability to hear God's voice clearly). This self-reliance has got to go, my will has to die, the self needs to go to the cross. Again. And again. And again. I need to be very careful that any testimony about what God has done only gives glory to Him... Him Alone.

How do I die to myself? How do I increase my faith? Convict me, break me, make me pliable and always dependent on You...

...let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us... (Hebrews 12:1)

Posted by Ruth at 6/09/2004