Ruth's Ramblings

Like Mother, Like Daughter

As the common belief goes, there comes a day when any self-respecting young adult woman, suddenly, to her horror, realizes that she is becoming like her mother, in the very worst way. I always thought that for me, this day would come when I would (for the first time) be a mother myself. I was wrong.

This past weekend, although it was filled with good food, friends, and family, was also an early wake-up call for me. I was minding my own business, doing my own thing, going on auto-pilot (which, apparently, was my downfall) and then innocently looking up into Wayne's face and realizing what a mirror his facial reaction was to my present state. And my present state, at the time, was not a pretty one. The traits that I most despise in my own mother and have so pubically sworn never to attain, have somehow, creeped into me and exploded out of me without my knowledge. The horrific realization that I am turning out like my mother (we're talking only about all the bad traits here) sobered me up and I took note of the fact that no longer can I live mylife on auto-pilot.

Which makes sense, if you think about it. I'm starting to adopt the notion that life living on auto-pilot is not the kind of life I want to live. If I want to break any type of unhealthy generational tendencies, being self-aware and proactive in how I make my daily decisions and choose to live is the first step. Making deliberate decisions for growth (which means taking deliberate risk-taking!) is also included in the pro-active way of living. Looking around for opportunities around us and quieting ourselves down enough to listen intently to a soft still voice is also a daily decision I choose. Friendships, take some level of proactive investment (from both parties, may I add) for them to stay afloat. Submission, also requires a deliberate choice of our will. Choosing to live life in a way that is above and beyond (and against!) to what we were "programmed" by our flesh and sin, is also another. Living life (and experiencing to the fullest measure of all the blessings God has for us), it seems, is walking uphill and against the grain of our flesh and subconscious tendencies. Yet I am convinced that the safe and familiar route is the one to avoid.

Am I ready for it? I hope I am.
Lord, keep me humble and teachable!

Posted by Ruth at 11/29/2004