The past weekend was pretty full. Wayne was working the entire time (poor thing) and I was at home, re-organizing my thesis sources (gearing up for that dreaded Chapter 2) and thinking maybe I could do Chapter 3 first (since it's easier) and get back to Chapter 2 later. HMMM.
On Sunday I gave Sue the usual ride to our Boundaries class. This week's class ended up pretty good. Well, not that it hasn't been good the other weeks -- I think I just struggled with how to relate these issues to my current situation... like, how can I in the present moment improve in these areas? And it was difficult to see the present relevancy of it since I thought I had dealt with all of that with my parents and the wedding months back, but not now (anymore, at least). This time, we were going through the laws of boundaries, and we went through the Law of Envy. It was an interesting point, because I never thought that would be a boundary issue... seeing what someone else has and envying them or even resenting them for having what you don't have. But I guess the real issue is about knowing what is within your own realm of responsibility and ownership... so who cares if person X has such-and-such item or character quality? Either you 1) be proactive and try to obtain that for yourself rather than do nothing and just be jealous and resentful or 2) appreciate what they have and realize that they are them and responsible for themselves, and you are you and responsible only for yourself (who are you to take ownership of something that isn't yours?). Boundaries are boundaries.
So I took the Envy law and brought it to the next level. While Bev (my small group leader) was going on about the other laws and such, I was thinking of how I actually violate other people's boundaries by not keeping within my own responsibility and ownership of my own actions/thoughts/desires, etc. I'm awfully judgmental these days (and such a complainer too!), and although its not envy, the thoughts and attitudes I have of others around me might be stepping a bit beyond what is rightfully what I'm responsible for. Not only that, but if I'm complaining about something, I ought to be proactive in working on the complaints that I've made... or just shut-up. I think I'll work on shutting up.
After service, Tracy and I went to visit Christine and brought her lunch. It was a good time of catching up and sharing. I always feel really good when I've spent time really connecting with people on a personal level. I think I miss that. I met her parents -- her mom is too cute -- very mommy-like and huggy. She touched my face lightly and brushed a piece of hair away from my face. It got me all flushed and nervous. I miss my mom touching me like that.
Posted by Ruth at 10/14/2002
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