Ruth's Ramblings

On the other side...

So I have been noticing alot of differences between the married school of thoughts and the singles counterpart. It's a bit frustrating to explain to someone who just doesn't understand or who hasn't been there (yet), and those that just get it... they just get it because they are there. Or at least they've been exposed to alot of married friends to understand dynamics like that. Anyways, many of my readers are wondering, Ruth, what the heck are you talking about?! Let me preface it with a brief scenario:

A couple weeks back we had dinner with Wayne's old college friend, J, who just got married. His job requires him to do alot of travelling, and time apart gets a bit difficult when you have a new bride. Usually when he will stay at a hotel overnight, but now that he is married, and his new wife misses him and doesn't like to sleep alone, he is more than willing to fly back home to sleep, and then fly back to the site to resume work. All the flying around can be taxing, but he says its worth it and he doesn't mind. Single friends, however, think its silly and the fact that she doesn't like to sleep alone is silly too: After all, they say, hasn't she slept alone for nearly 25 years anyways?! She should be used to it! And that kind of talk makes married people roll their eyes. It's just DIFFERENT when you're married, ok?

On a smaller scale, when we were planning out the CAT retreat and figuring out rides to the camping site, it was coordinated in a way that all the couples (including us) were split up in different cars (these car rides would be approx. 4 hours long). I piped up, saying that Wayne and I would like to be in the same car... and I received this reply: By the time of the retreat, shouldn't you have already had a whole week of vacation with Wayne? That's enough time together, you can handle a car ride apart. Of course we can handle a car ride apart! But that's not the point...

I get just a tad bit tired of defending our married tendencies. Let me just say that when you're married (or headed that way), its normal to want to spend every waking moment with your SO. It may seem obsessive to my single friends, but that's how it goes. Couples headed towards oneness experience a taste of oneness... joy with doing the most mundane things together (e.g. Wayne and I like getting the mail together), being around each other, being part of each other, and the like. More and more, you feel like you are part of each other.... as if Wayne is just an extention of myself, and I am an extention of him... we're a part of each other. (e.g. If someone were to ever say something disrespectful about Wayne, it's as if that person were saying it right to my own very face about myself - let that be a warning to you out there!!)

I think oneness is not a one-time event (it doesn't just "happen" to you when you get married) but its an entire process that probably begins when a couple starts to head towards marriage. And even in the marriage, we're still striving for it. It's a difficult thing to describe to those who have never been around it or experienced it themselves, but it's wonderful. And it teaches us (and gives us a tangible taste) of what God's love is like.... simply amazing.

Posted by Ruth at 9/22/2003