Came back from Perspectives class last night and had a long chat with Wayne. This class is, in a way, preparing me for WCC, which is good... and its also bringing out issues that have been buried in my mind for a very long time. Wayne and I talked it out, and it feels extremely relieving for him to understand where I'm at, where my fears are, and where my passions and goals are. It's also a great relief to make sure we're on the same page, and committed to running the great race together. The biggest struggle I have is to continue keeping the Kingdom's perspective without being consumed solely by the stuff of life and earth. Back in 2000, Steve H told me that one way that helped him keep the kingdom's perspective was to keep going on short-terms on a regular basis... and by putting himself out there continuously for God's work, he would continually be reminded of God's heart and not his own. I've had that mentality for awhile too... and the only reasons I've been on short-terms was for selfish reasons -- to save myself from the tyranny of the rat race (and the life my parents wanted me to live), as well as risking myself to make myself available for a world perspective and the desires of God's heart. And I'm thinking that this is a struggle that I'll never really be able to overcome completely and be over with (valuing the eternal over the earthly), but its a struggle that we'll be constantly battling in, as long as we're living this earthly life here in the strongholds that Satan has in this complacent country.
And while my heart is frustrated here at home, feeling stuck and wanting to do so much more than just the local church (reminded my last night's Bob Blincoe saying that its nice to bless the already blessed, but its better to bless the rest), but Wayne gently reminded me that its not up to me to seek after what I want to do for God, but the real question is how I contribute and fit into what God is already doing around me. Thank goodness for Wayne, for always tactfully reminding me to take the focus off of myself, and back onto God again.
We're both envious of Jason & Iris, who will be overseas for a year starting this summer. We know that the burdens on our hearts extend beyond where we're at right now, but the issue at hand is waiting patiently for God to give us the right signals in His timing.
Posted by Ruth at 1/21/2003
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